EXT. TYPICAL AMERICAN MIDWEST FIELD OF WHEAT/CORN/SOYBEAN/CANOLA

TRUMP SIGN IN FOREGROUND. AMERICAN FLAG WAVING ABOVE IT.

NARRATOR

An ordinary family…

A WHITE FAMILY SITS DOWN TO DINNER: MOTHER, FATHER, TEENAGE SON, TWO SMALL CHILDREN. ALL SMILES. FATHER PLAYED BY MARK WAHLBERG.  

NARRATOR

With a destiny…

SKY DARKENS. SPACESHIP HOVERS OVER FIELD.

NARRATOR

To save the world…

EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY PULLS OUT GUNS, GOES OUTSIDE, AND STARTS SHOOTING AT SKY. DISPROPORTIONATELY LARGE EXPLOSIONS OCCUR. SHOOTING AND EXPLOSIONS CONTINUE FOR TWO MINUTES WITH NAUSEATING MICHAEL BAY EDITS AND CUTS.

SPACESHIP LEAVES. FAMILY STANDS TRIUMPHANTLY BEFORE FLAG. TEENAGE SON KISSES RANDOM HOT CHICK. TRIUMPHANT MUSIC.

FADE BLACK

TITLE CARD: AMERICA!

CUT TO:

INT. ALIEN SPACESHIP, COMPLETELY UNHARMED BY BULLETS.

ALIEN

I just wanted to ask for directions!